


Give Me All You've Got

by Daddynegan



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Caring, Depression, F/M, Hate, Lonliness, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Violence, Yelling, calming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9309677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daddynegan/pseuds/Daddynegan
Summary: Negan sees unwillingness to open up as a challenge





	1. One mans treasure is another thing for Negan to take

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't done a proper fic in awhile, hope this is alright

The angry growling echoed behind me, my legs moving so quickly my feet weren't sure if they were touching the ground anymore. 

Four walkers dressed in work uniforms chased me to the front of an abandoned store, not moving their decaying bodies as quickly as mine, giving me an advantage allowing me to slam the door shut and shove a large branch conveniently placed next to the door into the handles, stopping them from breaking through and ripping me to shreds. 

This wasn't how I expected my scavenging trip for Alexandria to play out. I had just joined the group a few days ago, wanting to prove I'm worthy of staying and providing I snuck off in the early morning to find supplies, since theirs seemed to be extremely low. 

When I finally made it out of the building, my eyes darted around quickly for any more threats, or a way out of here. I spotted a bike resting on its side at the edge of the small parking lot, next to some rusting cars. 

I picked it up, thanking the lord the chain was intact and pedaled off quickly, back towards the community. I had only walked about a mile out before finding this building that seemed to be a general store, tucked into a bit of woods, hard to notice with the sign on the ground. Most likely put there for campers who would come out to this area during the summer. It hadn't been raided, probably do to being so hidden.

I found a duffel bag worth of cans, toiletries and even a few sweets that hadn't expired yet. They weighed me down a bit as I pushed closer to the gate. 

I stopped quickly, seeing large trucks and cars sitting just inside the gated area. I hopped off the bike and walked towards them slowly, my hand resting on the knife at my hip.

The first day I arrived, Rick took my gun, telling me there was a rule that we weren't allowed to carry them. I didn't argue, wanting to be able to stay and have a bed to sleep in even if it meant giving up the one thing that gave me a sense of security.

As I approached the trucks, three men I'd never see before held their guns up to me. I quickly placed my hands in the air, dropping the bike, the duffel bag still hanging at my hip from the strap that had begun to dig into my shoulder from the weight.

"Negan!" A man with a receding hair line and broad shoulders turned his head and called to a man, standing next to Rick, wearing an unzipped leather jack, exposing a white undershirt and dark gray jeans, holding a bat covered in barbed wire over his shoulder, quickly turned around making the natural lean to his body very obviously. 

He sauntered over, smiling wide as his salt and pepper bearded face became more distinct. He towering height was just a plus to his handsome facial features. 

"Well...who the fuck is this Rick?" He pointed to me while turning his body to Rick. I winced slightly at his booming voice, usually being a quiet person myself loud voices always startled me.

"This is Y/N, she showed up 2 days after your last visit. She doesn't carry a gun, she arrived alone." Rick replied, maintaining eye contact with the intimidating man. 

"Damn Rick...you found yourself a looker" I winced again, this time at the comment about my appearance. Since I keep to myself so much, compliments were rare and made me uncomfortable. I was usually just told I was uptight or snobby. 

"Tell me doll, do you like it here? Or would you like to come back home with me to my sanctuary and become a wife?" He smirked, getting closer to me as he asked the question, soon he was right in front of me.

"A wife?" I said quietly, "Meaning there's more than just one?" I raised my eyes to glance at him, catching his stare before looking down to his boots. _I definitely wasn't going to be part of any polygamy group._

"Well doll, in this new world I've realized there's no need for monogamy. But, if you come join me you can sit on that cute ass of yours all day and have whatever you want, whenever you want. Including me." I'm sure he winked after saying that, I could almost feel it. Sighing deeply, I looked up into his eyes, his smile never faltering as I softly glared. 

"I'll pass, in this new world I believe there's still reason for monogamy, I'll stay here, and earn my keep. I'm not the type to sit on my "cute little ass" all day. I like to get shit done." I smiled lightly, surprised that I even had that bit of sass in me. His smile kept on his face as he looked up to his men and at Rick. 

"Thats a damn shame darlin' a pretty face like yours is going to waste sitting around this place." He straightened his form that had bent slightly more to my level. 

He called his men to finish packing the trucks and head out. Suddenly the duffle bag was ripped from my shoulder. I turned in shock to see a man with ugly burns across his face smirking as he began to walk away.

"Dwight!" The tall man, Negan I believe his name was, yelled to the younger man as he headed back to the truck, "is that anyway to treat a lady? Give me the bag" Dwight walked back, the smirk on his face gone as he handed the bag over. 

Negan bent down on to one knee, setting the bag in front of him and unzipping it. Rummaging through all items inside he smirked once again. 

"You really do like to earn your keep." He pulled a few things out of the bag before closing it and standing. He placed the things he had pulled out into my hand. I looked down to see them, a can of peaches, tooth brush, tooth paste, and Reese's cups. 

"Just a little thank you for going through the trouble of getting us these things, judging by the dirt your covered in you went through some decent trouble" He tapped my shoulder, almost like a proud father after his son won a baseball game, and started heading towards the last truck left in the community. 

"I didn't get these things for you" I said quietly, hoping he didn't hear, sadly he did.  
Turning on his heel he strutted back to me, grabbing my shoulder and flipping me around to face him.

"Listen here, doll. You may be new here but that shit that you just tried to pull? That doesn't fly here. I own you now, I own all of this. I own everyone here. The things I own do not talk back to me. Understood?" He placed his gloved hand under my chin and forced me to look at him. I nodded, trying to make this situation end. 

"Good," He got back to the truck and opened the passenger door, standing on the foot of the door he waved, "Ill see you all next week! I'll miss you the most Rick! Don't forget to have my shit ready!" He hopped in and shut the door, the man who had first "greeted" me started the truck and drove off.

"What the hell Y/N! Where were you? You can't just run off alone you could have gotten killed! You just joined us, we didn't even get the chance to tell you everything that's been going on and you start acting like some hero!" Rick berated me. I kept my eyes level with his chest. 

"I- I wanted to- uhh" I couldn't form a sentence, a minute ago I was back talking a man who seemed much scarier and deadlier but now that Rick had raised his voice I was at a loss for words. 

He sighed and walked away, I walked back to the house I currently lived in alone. It was one of the small, only one floor. I'd known they'd given it to me because they hadn't trusted me, mainly because I only joined the group because they found me snooping around their fence, just curious as to who was inside. They let me stay as long as I promised to scavenge with them and watch over the few crops they had, seeing as I lived in a farm with a huge garden before the dead started biting into anything with a heart beat.

I was the odd man out from the group, everyone here knew each other for a decent amount of time, some were even related. I arrived on my own, weeks after they all met, covered in walker blood with a makeshift spear, carved with a dull knife. 

I sat on the sleeping bag that had been laid out for me when I agreed to stay, thinking about the man who just harassed the community, and about Ricks lecture, staring out the window, it was still morning but the latest events exhausted me. I fell slowly asleep against the lumpy pillow, praying to wake up refreshed and with a clear head.


	2. Four Walls And A Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negans not to impressed with the house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks I'm sorry

Chapter 2

Awaking later that day definitely didn't clear my head. It put in a kink in my neck, making it hard to move my head 

I decided to head down to where we kept all our supplies, hoping to find pain killers.

As I made my way closer I noticed Rick and a few others packing up a few cars, looking like they were getting ready to leave for somewhere and be gone a few days.

"What's happening? Where are you going?" I was confused as to why I wasn't warned about this trip. 

"We're going to hilltop," a place Jesus told me about my second night here, "we need to talk with them, and to make sure Maggie is alright." Rick said gruffly. Maggie? Who's Maggie? I pushed the question to the back of my brain, assuming I'd find out soon.

"I'll come with, I could be helpful" I headed towards one of the cars but Rick grabbed my arm, stopping me from advancing. 

"No, Y/N, you have to stay here. Watch over my kids while we're out. We need as many hands here in case we don't come back before Negan does." Rick almost had a pleading look in his eyes. I nodded, walking towards the house he lived in to see Carl sitting on the porch holding Judith to his chest, shaking her little elephant toy to keep her entertained. 

I sat down next to him, watching over the group packing and discussing the trip. Staying here and sitting around was going to make me lose my mind. I've always been quiet and kept to myself but I want others to trust me, and sitting here was not going to gain anyone's trust. Not much I could do about tho, as I watched them all climb into the cars and pull off, the gate being closed and locked as the last car pulled out.

\--

Four days later the group finally arrived back home, supplies they'd found for Negan filling two of the four cars. Some food that we'd prayed he wouldn't take on his next "visit" was being put into the supply area. No sign of Negan these past few days had people relieved and smiling a bit.

As if saying his name summoned him, a loud rumble of engines pulled in front of the gates. Rick walked over quickly and opened it for them to enter. Negan had hopped out of the same truck he left in last time, a huge smile on his face.

"We just found more supplies for you. Take them and leave, we're all trying to enjoy ourselves today." Rick grumbled roughly as him and Negan walked towards each other, meeting in the middle.

"Aw come on Rick! Are you saying I ruin the mood? I missed you buddy, why do you want me gone so quickly!" He replied smugly, the smirk still on his face. The bat he held fell from his shoulder, he rested the head of it on the ground and placed his weight on the other end as he looked around at everyone.

"Lighten up guys! I'm just trying to be a friend!" He was now happily yelling toward the whole community as they stood on the street and on their porches, watching sadly as his men walked into their houses to retrieve the things that now "belonged" to them.

His eyes caught mine, I dropped my gaze to the worn down sneakers on my feet. Suddenly becoming interested in the holes in them, along with the stained in blood on the white laces. Trying to ignore the scraping of shoes against the hard ground.

"Y/N! I almost forgot about you! How've you been? Rick treating you right?" He chuckled, waiting for a reply. When he didn't receive one the chuckling stopped and he lifted the bat from his side to under my chin, pushing my head all the way up to face him, the barbed wire digging into my skin.

"Sweetheart, don't be like that. I asked you a fucking question." He growled, pressing my head up more with the weapon. 

"I'm fine the communities been treating me fine." I said quickly, it wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth. He dropped the baseball bat back down to his side, my head falling slightly, eyes not meeting his.

"I knew you could be a good girl! If not Lucille here may have to prove you a lesson" He gestured to the bat, Lucille, who names a weapon? Psychos I guess. I stepped back from him slightly, crossing my arms over my chest and once again, dropping my gaze. 

Negan must have finally gotten bored as he stepped away, most likely to go taunt other members of this group.

I stumbled off towards my house, hearing a whistling I turned around to see why the noise was happening. Negan had been whistling at me as I walked away, I rolled my eyes slightly before he spoke up.

"Who told you that you could go anywhere? I expect you to stay put unless I say you can move," He waltzed towards me quickly bringing his face close to mine as he reached me, our lips would touch if he moved any closer, "I own you sweetheart. I say what goes." He smirked again and moved backwards.

"I was just going to my house." I pointed to the worn down building behind me. His smirking never leaving his face as he watched me.

"Well doll, why didn't you say so? Lead the way" He chuckled as he finished the sentence. I turned on my heel and continued towards the house, his boots loud against the ground behind me. I opened the front door and let him in, before closing the door. He glanced around, seeming somehow interested in the small space.

"It's all one floor, open concept as you can see," I outstretched my arms. Most of the place was visible from the front door, "my room is just past the kitchen to the left, the bathroom next to it. It's small but I make it work." I sighed, not sure why I was introducing him to the whole house. 

"They must really hate you here doll. This place sucks. I could give you an amazing room back at the sanctuary" His chest was now pressed against my back, making me blush. 

I stepped away, trying to hid the embarrassment on my face. I couldn't think of anything to say to save myself from the awkward situation. Right as I opened my mouth to say anything a man, Simon I believe, knocked on the door and opened it, sticking his head in.

"Everything's packed sir, we're all ready to head out when you are" He spoke with authority, holding himself like Negan.

"Tell everyone to head out, I'll be out in a minute, just finishing up here." That signature smirk back on his face. Simon nodded and the door shut once again.

"Simons my right hand man," he smiled. "Hes just like me." He smiled wider before turning his attention back to the situation at hand, whatever that was.

"Shouldn't you be leaving? You've probably got other people to terrorize." I winced right after saying that. Around him I seemed so quick witted when in reality I was just like a baby. Maybe it was the fear, tricking my brain into thinking I was powerful.

"I do, they can wait if it means I get to terrorize you without even trying, but if you really want me to go I'll be a gentleman and show myself out" he laughed, walking over to the door and opening it, 

"Sweetheart," I looked up into his eyes when he said that, "you should probably cool down before heading out there again. They might think we were getting freaky with how much you're blushing and sweating" He winked and finally left.

I let out a breathe that was trapped in my chest, walking into the living room part of the house, basically falling on to the couch, looking very distressed.

This was not good, I blushed and felt a warmth in my chest thinking about how Negan must have really wanted me at his sanctuary since he kept asking. This _definitely_ wasn't good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are sort of gonna be fillers till I get a good idea on the whole story (this was a spontaneous book)


	3. Ease off please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't seem to catch a break. Ever.
> 
> MENTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS IN CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this book has been written how I envision things happening at Alexandria. Even if they aren't what really happened :))

Chapter 3 

Negan always said he'd be back in a week. _Seven days._

In my time at the community he never seemed to meet that deadline, always showing up earlier than he's said. Rick gets annoyed every time, Negan never gives us enough time to gather plenty of supplies for him. Without enough supplies to support him and us at the same time he'd take almost everything of value from us. 

The food supply was running low, we had enough to get by with good rationing but the thinning bodies of everyone as I saw them pass my house during the day always reminded me of the monster who stormed through the gate like he was a god. You couldn't blame me for hiding items of my own to get myself by, I'm sure the others had done it.

Carol knocked on my door, I opened it and she handed two cans, peas and pears. This would have to get me by til we could go out on a run in two days. Carol sadly smiled at me, turning around and stepping away from my house to pass out food to the others.

I closed my door, right as the rumble of those God forsaken trucks could be heard. I didn't bother leaving my house, I didn't want to listen to Negan making fun of everyone. I sat on the sleeping bag in my room, leaning again the wall, reading some novel I'd found when I was out on my own.

The sound of the front door opening startled me, I must have forgotten to lock it. Soon after the front door opened, my bedroom door was forced open quickly, a woman with short black and blonde hair thrown into a messy ponytail atop her head stood above me. She had a gun pointed right at my face, I lifted my hands in surrender, just like when the men at the gate pointed their guns at me.

"Stand up against the wall I'm here to take what's ours." She spoke strictly, clearly not playing around. I stood but not against the wall, upsetting her.

"This is my stuff. You can't just take it." I said quietly, with little confidence. I had earned most of these things from surviving out on my own. Besides the furniture and larger items around the house everything was mine.

"New world order. Don't you listen to Negan? This is all his, I'm here to collect it for him" She spoke with an even angrier tone in her voice, pushing my back against the wall she had put away the gun and picked up a knife out of her belt.

"Are you going to cause issues? Cause I can make this real easy and take everything." The knife was pressed into my jaw, drawing blood. 

"N-no, take the stuff just please don't hurt me" I whispered. I felt dizzy, I could barely breathe, tears fell from my eyes. 

I didn't mean to make myself look so weak. I could fend for myself if I needed to but she was so close and so angry. It triggered an anxiety attack and now I was a sobbing mess on the floor. The woman ushered in a man, much larger than her and they started to remove things from the room. My small desk, a quilted blanket, even taking most of my books from the tiny shelf I built myself when I got here. I was too panicked to protest her taking my books and chucking them into a cardboard box. 

She headed towards my closet, I looked up just as she was about to open the door. Yelling, I stopped her, planting myself in front of it. 

"No ones allowed in there, I don't care who you are" I said with as much authority as possible. Tears and blood running down my face didn't help my situation. She moved back, glaring at me before sighing and storming out the door with the man and most of my things.

I sank to the floor, pressed against the closet door, resting my arms on my knees and letting the tears slip in to my lap. As I began to calm, still a mess but no longer crying, I heard two sets of foot steps enter the room. Glancing up I saw Negan with Lucille swung over his shoulder, leaning as he watched my face. The girl who forced herself into my room stood behind him with her arms crossed, smirking like a kid who just tattled, I began to panic again silently before he spoke up. 

"Arat, go check the other houses, close the front door on your way out" He sounded mad. He watched her walk out and shut the door before closing the bedroom door and walking towards me, he'd already towered over me when I was standing, now he looked like a giant. 

"You can't seem to stay out of trouble. Arat had to come out and snitch to me while I was having a fun time with Rick because you weren't willing to let her in your closet? What's in there? Skeletons? Kinky underwear?" He laughed, offering me his open hand to stand up. I don't know why but I took it, not moving out of the way of the door.

"You can't hid anything from us," now his voice was definitely upset, "I am everywhere. We are everywhere. You want to try and hid something? You'll have to pay for it. Now, I'll let you off easy if you move your pretty little ass out of the way and let me see what's behind that door." He was stern but I didn't budge, knowing that if I let him in and he found the things I'd hidden behind that door this group would hate me. 

I wasn't going to move willingly. I refused to ruin my reputation in a group of such nice people. Negan seemed more upset every second I stood in front of the door.

After about 5 minutes of him tapping his foot and me trying to recover from the panic attack Negan seemed to have had enough. He grabbed my waist, picking me up and simply moving me out of the way. He slid the closet door open and his eyes lit up like he'd just struck gold.

"You've been holdin' out on me baby girl!" The nickname made me feel strange but I ignored the feeling and focused on the fact that he'd found everything I'd hidden away. Food, water, toiletries and even just some personal items like knitting supplies and board games. 

"Please Negan you can't take these things from me!" I pleaded hoping he'd find some warmth in his seemingly frozen heart to let me keep my things. 

He turned to face me, finally taking in the drying tears and blood that had both dribbling down my neck in streaks. He's noticed the puffiness and blood shot eyes from crying. The closet seemed unimportant as he stepped close to me.

"How come every time I'm around you get yourself pretty beat up somehow," he chuckled. "It's like I'm a curse on you." He lifted his hand to my chin, wiping off the blood that still had yet to dry and wiped it on his black pants. I flinched at the touch, not leaning into it, afraid he'd hurt me if I did. But he seemed like a genuine caring person right now.

"Maybe you are a curse. Maybe it's a sign you should stay away from me and this group, leave us all alone to be happy" I'd clearly ruined the decent mood he'd put himself in when he backed away, a deadpan look in his eyes, leaving my room and calling Arat back in from the front door to collect all the things from my closet. She smirked as she came in and took everything I'd collected for myself and packed it into the back of one of their trucks. 

"Maybe if you're a good girl and don't talk back I'll leave you something for yourself. Just like when we met, remember?" He laughed, stepping out of the front door and slamming it shut. Shaking the pictures the wall next to it, almost knocking them down. I sat back down on the sleeping bag, taking a tissue from the box on the ground next to me, _how kind of them to leave that_ , and cleaned my face off. 

\--

Rick came into my room about an hour later, a look of disbelief covered his face. I knew he'd seen the multiply items Arat had taken from my closet. I knew he was upset.

"T-those things they took out of here. All that food and water. You've been hiding it? We've got kids here you know! Just because you're new and have been alone forever doesn't mean you get do that. We have kids and adults out there basically starving cause we're running low and you're hiding all those things from us?" He sounded angrier than Negan. Negan always had a joking side to everything he said. Even if it was serious. Rick could just be a straight up jerk. 

"You don't get it Rick. I've had to fight for and feed myself up until I met you guys when this virus broke loose. I don't understand what it's like to have to give away all my things that I earned. I came on my own I thought I had a right to privacy." I usually don't open up this much but Ricks awfully energy was feeding mine and now I was mad too.

"We let you join this group even after we found you snooping around our area. You promised to contribute. Not stock pile things that the whole community could use. This is the new world Y/N, if you don't follow the rules you can't stay." He didn't give me time to respond. He stormed out of the house, slamming the door just like Negan and knocking a picture off the wall, shattering the glass inside the frame. 

\--

Weeks went by and Negans visits were less exciting, he didn't visit my house much. I'd see him walk down the street talking with Rick, he'd feel my eyes on him and glance at me before looking away, pretending I wasnt there. 

The Alexandria group wasn't to happy with me either. Every time carol came around with rations I'd get less. Only one can unless the last run had been very successful in which I'd get up to 3 cans, less shampoo and conditioner. They even gave me the older water that tasted stale. I was in one of the few houses little to no water pressure, so I had to drink the water they gave me most of the time. On a good day I'd get a Luke warm shower that lasted 5 minutes before shutting off. 

I had pissed off the whole group, no one but Carl and carol would really talk to me. Carol only talked to me because she had to. One day she made cookies for everyone, I had been outside sharpening the few knives I had watching her deliver cookies to everyone. When she's reached me, she reached into her bag, shifting around in a for a bit before coming up with nothing, she looked in the bag and then up at me with a less then sorry expression

"Sorry Y/N, I guess I miss counted" She shrugged her shoulders. Petty.

Carl would sometimes bring Judith over if he saw me working on something outside. He'd tell me about a random comic he found or about him and Enid. I'd bounce Judith on my lap, feeling glares from other people in the community. 

Everyone seemed to keep me on my toes all day, my mind would race as I did basic tasks like cook or brush my teeth. But at night I'd really only have one thought on my mind ever since that one dumb day. 

_Baby girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think carols this mean I swear. It's just how the story goes :)


	4. That damn soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning I think?? There's sexual themes towards the end of the chapter

Chapter 4

Negan was the only thing on my mind anymore besides surviving. If I wasn't dealing with something serious his face was on my mind, his laughter was in my ears even if he was there.

I'm not falling for him. I can't be. He's a monster, a psycho. But he's always making jokes, he could mess up a serious situation by making a sexual reference to someone.

He had killed that one lady, Olivia right before I got here. They were still cleaning the blood when I was accepted in. Who knows how many people he's killed. How could I fall for someone like that. I looked at the clock on the wall in my kitchen. 4:30PM. My dinner cooking on the stove, a can of soup, I planned to sleep early tonight, just like the past few nights.

Negan hadn't been back in a week and a half. Which had been relieving and nerve racking. It gave Rick time to gather plenty of supplies for the saviors, which I'd heard Negan calling them, and us. Our supplies building up, everyone started to forgive me and I began to be welcomed to the community more. I was still being given less supplies than the rest tho. Everything has been neutral around the community. But, Negans absence scared us all a bit. We never knew when he'd show up or if he ever would come back. I considered the fact that maybe what I'd said last time got to him, shaking it off, knowing Negan wouldn't break that easily.

A soft knock on my door brought me out of the trance I was in. I walked over quickly and opened it to Carl holding Judith with a nervous look on his face. I looked outside to see Negan walking into Ricks house. 

"Can Judith and I stay here until he leaves? He likes to hold Judith and it makes us all nervous. He seems to ignore your house so we thought maybe you'd let us hang out here? Just for a bit?" Carl's eyes were pleading and he sounded panicked.

"Of course," I let him in, "are you hungry? I'm making food right now. I've got plenty" I offered but Carl shook his head, sat on the couch and smiled at Judith as she babbled to him about the toy in her hand.

I returned to the kitchen and we talked for a few minutes before another knock sounded from the door. I sighed and walked back over to it, opening it just enough for the person outside to see me.

Negan stood on the other side, a huge smile on his face when he saw me. I blushed and looked down to compose myself before looking back up to him.

"You gonna invite me in doll? I'd love to catch up" He spoke and I looked in the house towards Carl and Judith on the couch, Carl's eyes caught mine and I glanced toward my back door, through the kitchen. Carl nodded and headed out with Judith, most likely back towards his house. I stepped back and letting Negan pass me.

"I started to believe you hated me, for what I said" I spoke in a quiet voice. As usually.

"Oh darlin' what you said was child's plays. It wouldn't even hurt Dwight and he's a big softie when it comes to mean words" Negan laughed. That laugh I seemed to be craving for a week and a half now. 

Negan followed me into the kitchen, I turned off the stove, deciding to give the food a bit to cool down. I turned to see Negan showing himself around the small kitchen. 

"You know doll, if you came to the sanctuary, people who cook for you without a second guess." He smiled at me.

"Really?" I asked surprised. He seemed to be living like a king, it would make sense to why he was so full of himself.

"Of course darlin' but obviously you'd have to be a wife for that kind of pampering" His signature smirk appeared back on his face as he got close to me, any closer and our noses would be touching. His warm breathe fanned over my face. I closed my eyes briefly, feeling content with the situation at hand, before coming back to reality and processing his proposal. 

"No way Negan" I stepped back slightly, denying his offer. He stepped forward when I stepped away, maintaining the same distance. 

"C'mon doll, I could treat you way better than Rick, I'm sure he doesn't even fuck you right." He got even closer, his mouth close to my ear. 

"I'm not fucking Rick. I haven't even made eye contact with him since your group outed me on the things in my closet" I said sadly, a hint of anger making it's way into my voice. 

Negan leaned back, making eye contact and bring his hand bare hand to my chin. Sighing and dropping his gaze to the floor he grew an apologetic smile across his face. His thumb brushed against my bottom lip. A spark flew in my mind at the contact, I shook it off. Attempting to ignore the feeling. 

"I'm sorry doll, I really am, but there's rules now and those rules have to be followed." His voice soft yet strict I couldn't help but lean forward slightly, seeing as to how his lips were now right in front of mine. I leaned back as soon as I caught myself doing it. Hoping he didn't notice. Sadly he did. 

He took a step back, almost as if he was admiring my features. He eyed my body up and down before speaking.

"If you wanted to kiss my doll you could've just asked. I would've happily obliged." He smiled. 

"I- no that's not-" I stumbled over my own words. Before I could make up an excuse he's stepped forward again, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling my lips to his. Immediately my hands went to his hair. Not feeling this kind of physical contact in so long I didn't realize how much I missed it. I leaned in more, trying to keep him close. 

Negan smiled into the kiss, dropping his hands to my ass. _Typical_. I giggled slight and placed one of my hands on his shoulder. 

"Jump" He whispered. I quickly jumped and wrapped my legs around his lower torso. He began to walk forward, pressing my back against the wall behind me, giving himself more leverage to run his hands under my shirt, he began to kiss down my jaw onto my neck. I moaned softly as he sucked a dark red mark on the side of my neck. He began to pull my shirt above my head when I stopped him. 

"Wait-" I pulled away, draping my hands behind his neck and looked into his eyes, "I don't wanna do this. You have more than one wife I can't be a part of that" He had a look in his eyes that I couldn't figure out. He let go of my legs and set me on my own feet again. 

"You're really stubborn huh? But you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel anything during that kiss." His smirk was back. He was right, I'd felt the spark from when he'd run his thumb across my lip. 

"Even if I felt the slightest thing, I'm not going with you to be a part of your harem Negan. I need someone who exclusively is in it for me. Not me and five other people." My voice was now becoming as stern as I could make it. 

"I'm not a one woman man doll, and I'll be damned if I'd let someone so simple change that" His words hit me hard. He's saying I'm not significant. If I joined his wives I'd just become another toy, nothing more. I walked to my door and opened it. 

"Your men are probably waiting for you Negan, you should really get going." My voice fell softer, any confidence I had had now left. Negan scoffed, shaking his head and walking out the door. 

I shut it quicker than I usually would, hoping Negan would pick up on the fact that he'd upset me. 

I went back to the kitchen and now ate the soup that had cooled down a lot. My mind focused on how drastically the situation and vibes between Negan and I had just changed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a five year old in their heart

"Come back to the sanctuary with me." He offered. Negan had come back to Alexandria.

"No. Do I really have to tell you again that I don't wanna be your wife?" I said, getting upset. He'd been persistent on this whole wife thing and it was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Not to be a wife. Maybe you could just come have a look around, I'd bring you right back to Alexandria." He smiled, showing his pearly white teeth. I stayed quiet for a moment before replying.

"You wanna bring me to your sanctuary to show me around? That's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard." He smile faltered for a just a second. 

"Well, I was hoping if you liked it there you'd consider coming back and staying." His smile had turned into a smirk and he now stood close to my body. 

"So taking me there is all a ruse to make me a wife. That's not happening Negan." I sighed softly and distance myself from his body. 

"No not that at all. Just a little look at the place I call home and then I bring you back here. You deciding to come back is just a plus" He winked and lightly bit his bottom lip. 

We stood in silence for a few moments. I racked my brain for whether I should say no again or accept and see his sanctuary. Deciding to take the latter I sighed and soon responded.

"Fine. But you have to promise to bring me back here as soon as I want." He smiled big at my answer, obviously happy I said yes.

"Of course darlin' I'll come by tomorrow morning, be ready at 8, in case you want to spend the whole day there." He winked and headed out of my front door. 

I prayed I didn't just put myself in deep shit.

\--

I woke from my short nap the next morning, to stressed to sleep through the night I'd finally dozed off sometime around 6 am. 

The reason I had woken up was a heavy knocking at my door, I stood and brushed the imaginary dirt off my clothes and rushed to the door. An annoyed looking Negan stood in front of it. 

"I told you to be ready at 8 doll, not wake up at 8" He grumbled stepping away from the door, telling me to get ready in five minutes and head to the gate. 

I quickly ran my hands through my disheveled hair and threw on the cleanest clothes I could find. I attempted to put on deodorant and brush my teeth at the same time but I ended up pressing the deodorant straight into my teeth. I slowed myself down a bit once I was fully ready and glanced in the bathroom mirror, I decided to leave my hair down and walked out the door. 

Negan had only come with one other savior today, Simon. I sighed internally when I saw him. Negan smiled wide and opened the passenger side door for me, Simon hopped in the drivers seat, I sat in the middle and Negan said a goodbye to Rick, promising to bring me home safe and then hopped in next to me, our thighs squished together from the fact of me trying not to touch Simon. 

"You're gonna love it doll! I live like a king! Don't I Simon?" He asked his right hand man. 

"Of course sure, it's a castle fit for a king" Simon smiled and kept his eyes on the road. No one really said anything after that, Negan had slightly grunted in approval and that was it. We drove for around 40 minutes, a cd playing quietly over the radio. Eventually Simon stopped the truck in front of a large gate connected to chain link fence that when all the around what seems to be an old factory building. Walkers were chained up all around it, men wearing dirty white sweats with various letters written on them pushed the walkers around, also adding new ones.

"Who are those men?" I pointed specifically to one with long hair covering his eyes, the letter 'A' in yellow on his sweatshirt. 

"They work for me darlin' just like everybody else, they're just not as trust worth" He flipped of the man that was glaring at him as we entered the gate. Negan and I got out as Simon moved the truck out of the way of the front gate, Dwight was standing there, waiting for Negans next orders.

"Dwight I think Daryls starting to forget the words to Easy Street, maybe you should go joy his memory?" Negan laughed darkly as Dwight pulled the man I had pointed at earlier in the large building. 

"Daryl? I've heard that name around Alexandria." I stated and we walked around the building to a place with people working in gardens and washing clothes. 

"That's him doll, in the flesh, he was giving me bad vibes so I decided to bring him here and straighten him up a bit." I decided to stop asking questions as we walked. Everyone who saw Negan and I immediately dropped to their knees and bowed their heads. I kept my thoughts to myself as we reached another building, definitely smaller than the last.

"This is where the tour begins," he pushed the door open and suddenly I was faced with a bunch of weapons, not pointed at me but on the walls, in boxes and being cleaned. Most of the people in the room greeted Negan, some distracted by their work. 

"Here's our weaponry, don't get any ideas about killing us cause we're all armed" He joked, said goodbye to the people and we carried on back outside. 

"Our gardeners are over there," he pointed to the left, a bunch of people pulling fresh vegetables from the ground. "And whatever they're doing is over there" He then gestured to the riff, people washing clothes and hanging them up to dry. Others folding and walking off with baskets full. 

"They all look so scared of you Negan, that doesn't seem to kind" I finally spoke up, not to happy with this compound. 

"I think the fear brings trust and loyalty, it may not be kind but it gets things done around here" He seemed so proud of this place. 

"Can we go somewhere else now? I'm bored of all this" I gestured vaguely around us and he sighed and than stopped to think. 

"I want to show you one of my favorite things" He started forward, his legs were longer than mine so he walked ahead of me. We entered the building and after a bit of walking up stairs found ourselves on a metal balcony, lots of people working hard below us. Negan gave me a trusting look and softly handed me Lucille, definitely heavier than I imagined I held her at my side and he guided me up to the railing to look down on all the people. Without Negan saying a word they all began to look up and then drop their gaze and kneel. A few whispers of "Negans here" and "Hurry kneel" was heard throughout the crowd. 

"Respect" Negan had grasped both hand on the railing and leaned back slightly to say that to me. 

"As you were!" He spoke loudly toward the people and they all slowly stood and began their hard work again. 

"I still don't think it's fair" I lifted my shoulders and dropped them.

"Without the fear and respect these people bring I wouldn't be stood here today, like a goddamn king!" His voice alerted a few people, no one bothering to look up tho. 

"I don't know Negan, this building seems a bit dusty for a king to be in" I smirked, knowing my dumb remarks would get to him somehow. 

"Alright smartass lets move on to some of my other favorite things" He lead me to a stairwell that stunk of cigarettes and sweat. We walked about what felt like a thousand flights of stairs before he finally led me down a hallway. Parlor doors slowly and I grew confused. 5 beautiful women sat on the other side of the door, all dressed in lacy lingerie and tall heels. His wives. 

"Here are my favorite women! They all smiled up at him happily, greeting him and then continued back to what they had previously been doing, flipping through magazines, doing their makeup, eating fruit from the tray in the corner. One with long black hair walked up, Negan excused himself from me and walked to the other side of the room to talk privately with her. Another wife, with medium length brown hair came up to me and shook my hand. 

"Hi I'm Sherry, are you another wife?" She asked bluntly.

"No I'm just visiting, Negans showing me around" I smiled softly, suddenly my shyness brought itself back out and I couldn't look anyone in the face. 

"Oh good, We're getting a bit cramped in here, another addition would be hard to adjust to" She smiled at me, brighter than before. The long blonde haired woman walked away from Negan and roughly sat herself on the couch. Crossing her arms like a 5 year old who was just told he couldn't have ice cream, but I'm sure she wasn't just denied ice cream. The brunette excused herself over to the woman and sat down to comfort her, whispering soothing things. 

"No it's not alright," she spoke loudly to the other woman and I heard every word, "We don't need another wife, especially not one that looks like that" Her voice sounded disgusting. 

"That's enough Amber," Negans voice became extremely stern. "You do not talk like that about her, I already told you she's not becoming a wife so you need to stop and think before you speak out of line again" He silence the whole room and soon ushered me out to the hallway again. 

"Ignore all of that, she gets so jealous. Especially when she hasn't had dick in awhile" He tried to lighten the mood but I didn't find it funny. I rest my hand gently against my stomach, pushing on it slightly before asking him to continue showing me around. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and headed down the corridor passed a bunch of closed doors before reaching one at the very end on the left, no door opposite to it. 

"Probably one of my most favorite places, my room." He opened the door and led me in. Two leather couches sat opposite of each other with a small coffee table between them. A small table held alcohol against one of the walls, also holding glasses and napkins. One door was opened slightly across the room, next to some bookshelfs. 

"You don't have a bed" I comment and he took Lucille from me and placed her down on the coffee table. He laughed at my statement.

"It's in there" He pointed to the door that was opened a sliver. Unable to see through it I walked over and tried to push the door open more, Negan stepped up behind me and shut it. 

"No ones allowed in there." He growled and blocked the door from me. 

"But I'm only visiting," I stuck my bottom lip out, "I thought this was the grand tour? Doesn't that include your bedroom?" I placed my hands against his leather cladded chest, the cool zippers of his jacket pressed against my palms. I'd made the situation more seductive than I ever intended. 

"Well maybe just for you doll" He'd leaned down, his lips almost touching mine, when I leaned forward to connect them he stepped back and pushed open the door. A kind size bed stood in the middle of one of the walls, red and black satin sheets covered the bed under a large black quilted down black laid unwrinkled across the top. I headed towards the bed, ready to bounce and see how comfy it may be. Right as my feet lifted to jump I was caught by my waist and stopped mid air. 

"No jumping. You can look but this was not made for you to ruin because you wanted to be a child." His voice was harsh as he set me down away from the bed. I lost all my excitement again and sat at his desk, in the swivel chair. He sighed contently and sat across from me, putting his feet on the desk and crossing his ankles. An idea soon popped into my head. I got the most stern look on my face as possible before looking him dead in the eye and saying, 

"You're fired" I clasped my hands together on top of the desk. He raised his eyebrows and dropped his legs back to the floor. 

"You really are a child huh? I bet you and Carl get along" He chuckled. 

"I am the boss, you can't act like the boss that's why you're fired" I giggled slightly and he shook his head, not playing along in my childish game. 

I dropped the act and looked around everything in the room, more bookshelves, another connecting door, and that tempting bed in the middle. I just wanted to run and jump face first into it. So I did. 

I got up from the chair and ran as fast as I could, belly flopping onto the soft sheets. I'd caught Negan off guard so he had no time to react until it was too late. 

"You were really holding out on me. This is so soft I could stay here forever." My body relaxed once I flipped onto my back and I felt like I was melting into the softness, my eyes closed so I didn't see him walk up to the bed. 

"You could if you wanted to, but that wouldn't be much fun." He crawled over top of me, trapping me under his warm body, his leather jacket had been draped over his chair. He smiled down at me, his face so close to mine he began to go out of focus. 

"Negan, I don't-" He stopped my sentence and pressed his warm lips to mine, just like the day back at Alexandria. Our lips gliding slightly out of syncing, making my laugh into the kiss. Teeth bumping each other and tongues pressing back and for the situation got more heated then I'd ever wanted. He'd managed to slid my shirt up half way, exposing most of my torso. He'd unbuckled my jeans at one point, I wasn't paying attention. His mouth followed down my jaw and found my pulse on my neck, biting and sucking close to the mark he'd left last time that had almost healed. When he slid his hands down to push my jeans down I stopped everything. I remember what amber said earlier, I remember what I'd told myself before. I couldn't let him just take me so easily. Just because he could and he knew it. 

"I'm ready to go home" I said, my hands on his chest, searching his eyes for some emotion, finding nothing recognizable. He huffed and climbed off me. Pulling me off the bed he began to straighten it out, smoothing out the sheets and fixing the blanket I'd rolled on, it looked good as new. 

While he did that I had buttoned my pants and pulled them up more, pulling my shirt back down over top of them. 

"I'll take you home then. I've got more important things to do anyway, better you're out of my hair instead of messing up my bed again." For some reason his words hurt but I stayed silent after that. We walked out to the truck again, it was just me and him. 

The ride back to Alexandria was so quite you could hear every working part of the truck. He kept his gaze everywhere but on me, I tried to do the same but failed a few times. 

When we made it to the gate he jumped out and knocked on it with Lucille, which I hadn't even seen him pick up off the table. Rick opened the gate and I hoped out of the truck, walking over to him and smiling. Rick noticed the hickey on my neck and glared at it for a moment before looking into my eyes. 

"Safe and sound" I broke the dreaded silence, gestured to my whole body and walked away from the two. They conversed for a minute but I paid no attention, Negan would soon leave and Rick would probably come pounding on my door. 

After I entered my house I sat on the couch, looking at how big my thighs got and the rolls that formed I quickly stood back up, not wanting to stare at them anymore. 

I stood against the wall with my face to the ceiling I waited for the godforsaken knock that would sound any second now.


	6. Safe haven? More like hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long, I like to think quality over quantity because if I just push out 1000 word chapters everyday they'll become meaningless, I hope y'all understand !!

When Rick had come to my house all he did was accuse me about how I shouldn't spend this much time with Negan and that Negan was a monster. 

"You know Rick, I used to believe that too until I realized that the reason you're in the situation is cause you kept killing his men. Over 30 people compared to 5 or 6 is a big difference." Rick made a growling noise, telling me I don't know the people Negan killed so I couldnt talk about them like that and stormed out. Deciding on not trying to piss him off anymore I chose to get some shut eye. 

\--

Next time Negan stopped by I thought I'd have a talk with him. Invite him in and discuss what's on my mind, but that's hard when he won't even acknowledge that I'm there. 

I stood outside with the rest of the crowd, watching as his men took things from ours. No one went near my house, until right before they were going to leave Negan whispered to Dwight and he nodded, heading in my direction. 

" _No,_ you're not taking the few things I have left" I stood in front of my house as Dwight tried to enter. He mumbled something about not caring and shoved me to the side. I fell on all fours, my hands slammed into the rough gravely cement, I then flipped and placed myself on my butt, examining my stinging hands that were now covered in dirt and trickles of blood. Trying to dust them off but cringing as the sting got worse when I took them, I gave up on cleaning them and looked up and yet still, no one looked in my direction. Except of course Negan, who'd watched the whole thing go down. He rolled his eyes and called for one of his men to bring him something from the trucks.

Once he was handed it he headed in my direction. Dwight left my house with a few of my things, I didn't bother to look, but surely he'd have that dumb smirk spread across his face. 

"Do you have to be so clumsy" Negan asked rhetorically. He opened a water bottle and poured the cool liquid over my hands, washing away the blood and dirt as best as possible, he then wrapped some gauze around my palms to the best of his ability. He took a look at his handiwork when he was done and nodding, standing to get ready to leave. 

"Wait" I stopped him by grabbing his shirt, I picked myself up off the ground. He looked at me confused. 

"I-" Suddenly I couldn't move, the conversation I wanted to have seemed unnecessary and unneeded. "Never mind, it wasn't important." I shook everything off and he didn't react, he simply walked away. 

As the saviors left I could see the others in the community shooting dirty looks in my direction, if we made eye contact they'd look away as if nothing had happened. 

I walked back into my house, ripping the gauze off my hands. I wasn't a baby, I didn't need to be taken care of. 

I walked into my room and rummaged through my closet, against the very back of the closet walls I found exactly what I needed. A duffle bag. 

Everyone treated me like I didn't know how to survive without assistance, that's bullshit. I threw clothes and books into the bag, flashlights, batteries, as much food as I could, I even managed to fit a small blanket and some toilet paper. Knowing I couldn't leave while everyone was out and about I waited till they all ended their day. 

The sun began to lower from the sky and everyone retreated back into their respective homes. 

I stepped out from my worn down home and searched the immediate area for anyone who'd be able to tell what I was doing, when I saw no one I headed towards the Grimes house. I went to place the envelope with the note addressed to Carl on the steps but as soon as I placed it the door opened, I picked it up quickly hoping the person didn't see it.

"That's it? You're just gonna leave?" Carl's voice was soft, to not alert his dad of my presence.

"I'm not meant to be here, Carl, Im an outcast. I made friends with the enemy and now I'm despised, it's time for me to be back on my own" I lifted the note for him to take but he didn't make any move to reach for it. 

"Before you got here, I snuck into Negans sanctuary and killed some of his men, he took me in and treated me like a son, I made friends with the enemy too, you've just gotta explain yourself to my dad" Carl explained. 

"I'm not meant for big groups hun, I'm suppose to fend for myself. I don't know how to help support everyone else." I attempted to give him the note again and he took it finally. I smiled and began to walk away. 

"Am I ever gonna see your face again? Judith will miss you" He spoke up again, stopping me in my tracks. I imagined the little girl perched on my knee, giggling and trying to pull the ends of my hair, laughing loudly when she'd throw her toy to the ground, making me bend over her to get it. I smiled at the thought before bringing myself back to the matter at hand. 

"Maybe one day, when this is all over and the world is back to normal. We'all cross paths again, I promise." I finished what I was saying and he spoke once more.

"What am I gonna tell Negan, you're just leaving for no reason, he's gonna be suspicious" I glanced down to the letter in his hands, the edges had began to wrinkle from him nervously toying with them. 

"You don't need to tell him a thing. _Goodbye Carl_ " I worked up my most genuine smile I could manage and started off toward the gate again. I unlocked it and slipped through the small opening I created; I relocked the gate and stepped slowly into the empty world. 

I didn't have a car or a bike, just worn down shoes and miles of road. I didn't have any specific place to go, I just knew I had to get far from here. 

Thankfully before I left I'd grabbed a few weapons, a hunting knife, a katana and some sort of metal spear, obviously crafted by someone in the community. 

Everything was quiet at this time, only hearing crickets and the low growl of walkers, I started walking. With no destination I could walk forever.

After who knows how many miles and forks in the road I chose to set up camp in a tree. I found a sturdy tree high enough to stay out of walkers way and with thick enough branches to not fall off or break them. I climbed up to 3 large branches all next to each other and sat softly on them, place the strap of my duffle bag on a branch above my head I got as comfortable as possible, making sure I wouldn't fall off in my sleep. 

Once situated I closed my eyes and fell into a soft slumber, dreaming of Negans reaction to me being gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when you guys give me feed back !!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't the best. I wrote it at 3 am.


End file.
